Imagine the most selfish, narcissistic and heartless person you could possibly meet. That is W’s (my boyfriend’s) ex-wife. I have never met anyone like her. I have also never truly hated anyone the way I hate her. She has made it her life’s mission to not only hurt him by using their daughter to get to him, but she does what she can to get as much money from him as she can even though he has paid her what she is owed in child support, never having missed a payment, since the first day of their divorce 8 years ago.
She is remarried now, a story I’ll write about another time, but still insists on hurting W any chance she gets. She has been trying to erase W from her (and their daughter’s) life by dismissing his existence through her social media connections and by telling their daughter that she has to call the new step-father “daddy”. And she does call him that now, they both do, and has even done it in front of W. And it breaks his heart to know that his own daughter is calling another man that.
W has been there for his daughter since day one. I’ve seen how he is with her. He loves her the way a good father should. He took care of her when her own mother was too involved in her own affairs to bother to. And this new husband of hers just showed up and expected to be called “daddy” knowing full well he doesn’t deserve the title, not from her. But he accepted it and flaunts it knowing full well how W feels about it all. He doesn’t care that it bothers/hurts W. But then neither does his ex-wife.
They’re both awful people and there isn’t anything we can do about it.
It breaks my heart to see W be hurt by the actions of his ex-wife. Actions that aren’t the slightest bit warranted or deserved. He was good to her and he is wonderful to their daughter.
The ex-wife is pregnant now with the new husband’s child. A girl. She is due at the end of March. W and I hope that with the birth of this child they’ll stop bothering him and focus on the new baby instead. But who knows? She seems hell-bent on making W’s life difficult. And I hate her for that.
Does Karma really exist? I hope it does because she deserves a serious dose of it to come back to her.
It’s now 2017. Time is flying! And so I’ve decided that I need to get back to writing. I know that I wrote very little last year. As with anything else, some times you need a break or maybe it’s that you don’t need to do whatever it was you were doing to deal with the troubling thing in your life that made you do what you had been doing, and I guess that’s what happened last year. I was finally in a good place in my life and I figured I would simply enjoy it. And I’m still in a good place. I still have the job, which I like, and I’m still with my boyfriend, W, whom I love. But a lot is going on with respect to the other part of W’s life so I think I’ll write about that. Maybe by writing about it I’ll be able to find some answers to help him. His ex-wife is a mean bitch who married an asshole last year. His 9-year old daughter is caught in the middle and it’s where things get tough for W. That’s what I’m hoping to be able to help him with. I have been all year. And when I say help, I mean that I mostly just listen and offer advice when I can. I’ll fill you all in on what’s been going on with each new post. I’ll also write about how things, in general, are going, too. It won’t all just be about the ex! LOL.
So happy new year, everyone! Here’s hoping it’s a good one for all.
The above statement has some history behind it. Back in 1995 I had my left ovary and part of the tube removed due to a 15cm cyst that decided to take them over. I didn’t realize what was happening until I began to experience immense amounts of pain. I was left with a 6″ scar running up my abdomen and only one ovary. The scar has faded some since then and over the years I have done all the things I was told to do in order to protect the ovary I have left.
Well, two years ago I found out that a cyst had made itself right at home on my right ovary. I was put on birth control in the hopes that it would keep it under control. The first year went well as did the second, or so I thought. Last week I went in for my annual exam. The doctor asked me the usual questions and when asked when my last period had been I told her that, for the most part, my period has been all over the place since going on the pill. She asked me what I meant by “all over the place”. I told her that before going on the pill my period was like clockwork. It was always on time but ever since I started taking the pill that it’s not like that anymore. And then I mentioned that I had missed a period the month before but that I figured it was due to all the running I had been doing in preparation for the Chicago Marathon. She said that was more than likely the case and she added that all the exercises was also more than likely causing the pill to get metabolized a lot faster than normal. This made me question whether the pill had been working correctly then. She said it probably was. She asked me if I’d had spotting in between my periods to which I said yes. Although, I wasn’t sure if it was spotting or just an irregular period that was just really light. So she went in to see how things were going and that was when she found the polyp.
Turns out the in between spotting was due to a cervical polyp that’s been growing down there. This is why I said my lady parts are being assholes. I mean, I already lost one ovary, the other one has not one but two cysts growing on it now, with one being about the size of a quarter. And now there is a polyp on top of that. The doctor doesn’t seem to be concerned with the cysts. She said they looked like regular cysts on the ultrasound she had me get the week following her initial diagnosis of the polyp. I guess cysts are not uncommon things for some women and as long as they’re monitored they can be fine. But the polyp needs to come out. On a positive note, there didn’t appear to be any growing inside my cervix and it looks like there is just the one on the outside. But it’s big enough that she’d like to get it out. So the procedure has been tentatively scheduled for three weeks from now.
Am I worried? Not really. Well, not a lot. Maybe a little. I’ve been down this road before and, really, this time it will be less invasive than the surgery I had last time, but it still stinks. I don’t understand why I’ve been having so many problems down there. I’ve never been one to sleep around in my adult life and now that I’m in a relationship with a wonderful man all these issues are popping up “down there”.
For the first time I found myself imagining what it might be like to have a child with someone – because he is just that wonderful a man – and while having a child was not something that seemed feasible for several reasons, it was still nice to imagine it. And it was nice to know the option was there. But now it looks like that maybe it never was. My reproductive system has betrayed me more than once now and I can’t help but feel as though it’s telling me to forget about having a kid, ever. And while I was never 100% on board with actually going ahead with it because of my age and where he and I are financially, it was a nice idea none the less. But now even the idea seems to have been taken away from me.
I would like for the procedure to go smoothly and for that issue to go away. I’ll still have the cysts to worry about but one thing at a time, right?
I’m finding myself feeling rather sad today. Not for myself, but for my boyfriend’s daughter. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before but W has a daughter from his previous marriage. Her name is M and she’s 9 and a sweetheart. For those of you who have followed me over from my previous blog you’ll remember that my last experience with the daughter of a boyfriend was less than stellar. In fact, it was horrible. So much so that I wasn’t sure I could date a man who had a daughter. But I thought that would be a selfish thing to do to myself because by dismissing the idea of dating a man that had a daughter already it could mean that I might miss meeting someone amazing. And I did just that. I met someone amazing who just happened to have a daughter as part of the package.
Things were instantly different this time around. I never really felt nervous about meeting his daughter. We talked about it at length because we both wanted to make sure we did things the right way. Something that never happened with my ex. And on the day that I met her for the first time I felt completely calm and the visit with her turned out to be great. Since that first meeting I’ve spent every other weekend with her and W. She’s written “I love you” to me on pieces of paper and even on a chalkboard at a museum the three of us visited one afternoon.
She likes it when I visit with her and her dad and I like spending time with the both of them. It’s all been really great and I’m hoping that it will continue to be that way for as long as I’m a part of their lives.
So you must be wondering why I said I was feeling sad for her. The reason is her mother, W’s ex, and the bullshit that she’s been pulling for years. It’s a long story. One that would take me days to write so I’ll give you a quick run down of what’s happened since I met W.
Things between W and his ex-wife went from bad to worse after the divorce. She’s done many, many things to make his life unpleasant, and often times even difficult. The only reason why she is even a factor in his life now is because of his daughter. He loves his daughter so much that he will put up with just about anything the ex throws his way if it means that his daughter might come out of it unscathed. Personally, I think he’s done an amazing job of it. Given the circumstances up to this point M is really quite well adjusted to the situation. And when compared to the way my ex’s daughter was because of that divorce, M is a complete 180˚. And it’s really nice.
The ex recently remarried. She married a real turd of a guy. I have now met them twice and the word that comes to mind when I think of him is “asshole”. Because that’s pretty much what he is. An asshole. The ex isn’t far behind either. She is truly a piece of work and I have now witnessed first hand a taste of what W has had to put of with. Granted my taste was a small one but it was a taste none-the-less.
The thing that has been irritating W the most with regards to his ex wife and her new husband is the speed at which that relationship happened and how it’s affecting his daughter. Apparently they had gone to grade school together and reconnected through Facebook early last year and not long after that he moved in with her and M. Not long after that they got engaged and were married this past New Year’s Eve. All of this happened in the span of less than a year. Now, I’m not an expert at child rearing but I can’t help but think that was not the best way to bring him into the daughter’s life. Talk about a HUGE life change for her! With me we took it slow. Even now, almost five months in I still only see her every other weekend. But this guy, he moved in weeks after meeting up with the mother. Moved in! I can’t tell you how incredibly stupid and irresponsible I think that was of her mother to do. Did she even think of her daughter at all when she made that decision? No, she didn’t. And that’s how it’s been ever since this guy came into the picture.
Then there is the “daddy” issue. What I mean by this is that the ex and the new husband have decided that the daughter should call him daddy, even though she has one already. One that is very much involved in her life. When this first started, which was soon after he moved in with them, it pissed off W. And rightfully so. He asked them to not have her do that because it would be confusing for her. The ex argued, saying it had been the daughter’s idea to do it, something I find very hard to believe. Now, a rational and responsible adult would have known better than to go along with it if, in fact, the daughter had been the one to start it, but instead they went along with it. Which tells me that they love the idea and the fact that it pisses off W. That, to me, is very messed up. On top of that, she hashtags every single picture of the daughter and new husband together on her Instagram page with “#daddysgirl”. And she comments on the photos referring to him as her “daddy”. A move that W feels is her way of trying to erase him from the picture, a picture that she has carefully been painting ever since their divorce. One that makes it look as thought W is not a part of M’s life. Which is total bullshit and an incredibly shitty thing to do to someone. If W were a deadbeat dad and truly wasn’t involved in M’s life, I could understand why the ex would be doing it, hell I might even agree with it, but that’s not the case. He is very much involved in M’s life. He has her for a few hours every Monday and Wednesday after school and every other weekend. She has her own room at his house. He pays child support every month. He is very involved in her life and yet the ex is doing everything in her power to make it look like he isn’t. It is infuriating and, quite frankly, psychotic. Or something to that degree.
This is why I feel sad for M and what she is caught in the middle of. Especially because her mother, someone who should be looking out for her best interests, is primarily responsible for screwing things up. She doesn’t care about how this could all be affecting her daughter, she only cares about what she can do to piss off W. And she married a man that’s more than happy to not only go along with it, but to encourage the behavior. M is also a people-pleaser from what I’ve noticed so far which leads me to believe that she will go along with whatever craziness her mother forces on her if it means she can keep the peace between her mother and W. That’s a lot of pressure to put on a kid that age. Why can’t her mother see that?
It’s a mess. And I feel for W. There isn’t much I can do to help except be there for him and be a friend to M. I tell him I think the normalcy she sees when she’s with him and us, when I visit, can only serve as a positive in her life. I hope I’m right. I’ve seen what divorce and irresponsible parenting can do to a kid. I would hate for that to happen to M. She’s a sweet kid already. I really hope she stays that way.