Every story has a beginning…(Part 1)

If you are to understand why things are the way they are, then we have to go back to the beginning. My boyfriend had a 13 year relationship with his, now, ex-wife. He’s told me the story of how they met and why he stayed with her for as long as he did. From what he’s told me she was never a a nice person. I asked him why he stayed with someone who wasn’t nice to him and he told me it was due to the fact that he had very low self-esteem at the time. He had been bullied a lot as a kid because of his dyslexia and he never thought of himself as good-looking. A bad combination to have when you’re dating someone like her.

They dated/lived together for a little over 10 years before they decided to get married. He admitted to not having thought about it much but after a while the thought that they had been together for such a long time and maybe it was time to take the next step came up. So he proposed, she said yes and they married. A marriage that he also admitted to feeling he was making a mistake in doing the day of the wedding. But he stuck it out.

He bought them a house soon after. He had saved up several thousands of dollars over the years and was able to put down a hefty down payment on the house. It was a bit of a fixer-upper and he did a lot of it himself. Every day after work he did a little bit to the house. They eventually moved in.

Before they moved in she told him she wanted to get pregnant. He hadn’t thought of having kids, at least not with her. She was lazy and only seemed to have an interest in eating and spending his money. Still, she got pregnant.

Now, don’t think for a moment that I didn’t question his decisions to not only marry her but to impregnate her. Having met the woman I don’t understand how anyone would do either but, lo and behold, not only has she remarried she is also currently pregnant. But having once been in a 3-year relationship with a man that did not love me, for whom I foolishly moved to another country for only to have him tell me I needed to go back to Chicago after being there for only 7 months, I understood the “why?” Because sometimes we think that’s as good as it’s going to get for us so we hold on to it when we really shouldn’t.

And that’s what happened to him. He held on much longer than he should have. She was, and still is, an awful person. A person who is, in fact, a narcissist.This is who we’re dealing with.

After the birth of their daughter she claimed to have a “nervous breakdown”and checked herself into the hospital. During that time my boyfriend took over the care of their daughter. He worked as a carpenter for the local village and had to get up very early every morning. While he was at work the grandparents took turns taking care of the baby. ┬áHe would come home and take over. While she was in the psych ward she told the doctor she didn’t want to see W. Who knows why she told him that, but he never saw her while she was there. She eventually was let go and she went back to their house. Once home she didn’t do anything other than sleep with the baby. W still had to come home and take care of the baby, sometimes finding her wearing soaked or soiled diapers from several hours.

During this time she put on a lot of weight. W said she ballooned while she was pregnant and she didn’t lose much of it after the baby was born. She became somewhat of a slug after the birth. She slept a lot, ate a lot and hardly looked after the baby. W, it seemed, did all the work.

W’s father passed away from an illness he had been battling for some time a few months after the birth. This hit W hard. 6 months later she filed for divorce. He still hadn’t unpacked all of the boxes from the move.

She became even meaner after she filed. W eventually couldn’t take it any more so he moved out. About a year later they were officially divorced. Since then it’s been more than 8 years of her narcissistic bullshit. And now that she’s married she’s only gotten worse. Worse because she now has a partner in crime, her new husband. I have never hated two people the way I hate them. And I don’t use the word hate often.

The worst part of it all is that the ex has used their daughter as a pawn in the game she has played since their divorce. She uses her to get more money from W even though he has been more than fair with the money he gives her for child support. The ex likes to spend above her means (even though she makes more than W does) and we’re under the impression that she has a lot of credit card debt. Since the new husband came into the picture they have done everything to try to alienate W from his daughter. Her mother has been taking her on week long trips to Disneyworld every year since she was 2. For two years now it’s been the three of them: the mother, step-father and the daughter. They spend a lot of money on her. Something my boyfriend is not able to do. And to top it all off, they told the daughter that she had to call the step-father “daddy”, which she does. And this absolutely kills my boyfriend.

There is a lot more to tell, but for now this is a good introduction in to the despicableness that is my boyfriend’s ex-wife and her new husband. A despicableness that is only getting worse by the day.

Hello, Karma? You need to pay someone a visit.

Imagine the most selfish, narcissistic and heartless person you could possibly meet. That is W’s (my boyfriend’s) ex-wife. I have never met anyone like her. I have also never truly hated anyone the way I hate her. She has made it her life’s mission to not only hurt him by using their daughter to get to him, but she does what she can to get as much money from him as she can even though he has paid her what she is owed in child support, never having missed a payment, since the first day of their divorce 8 years ago.

She is remarried now, a story I’ll write about another time, but still insists on hurting W any chance she gets. She has been trying to erase W from her (and their daughter’s) life by dismissing his existence through her social media connections and by telling their daughter that she has to call the new step-father “daddy”. And she does call him that now, they both do, and has even done it in front of W. And it breaks his heart to know that his own daughter is calling another man that.

W has been there for his daughter since day one. I’ve seen how he is with her. He loves her the way a good father should. He took care of her when her own mother was too involved in her own affairs to bother to. And this new husband of hers just showed up and expected to be called “daddy” knowing full well he doesn’t deserve the title, not from her. But he accepted it and flaunts it knowing full well how W feels about it all. He doesn’t care that it bothers/hurts W. But then neither does his ex-wife.

They’re both awful people and there isn’t anything we can do about it.

It breaks my heart to see W be hurt by the actions of his ex-wife. Actions that aren’t the slightest bit warranted or deserved. He was good to her and he is wonderful to their daughter.

The ex-wife is pregnant now with the new husband’s child. A girl. She is due at the end of March. W and I hope that with the birth of this child they’ll stop bothering him and focus on the new baby instead. But who knows? She seems hell-bent on making W’s life difficult. And I hate her for that.

Does Karma really exist? I hope it does because she deserves a serious dose of it to come back to her.