It wasn’t this difficult to write before, but lately my head hasn’t wanted to much. If you read my previous blog you would have noticed the huge gaps between posts. I wanted to write lots of times but once the computer screen was staring me in the face my head would fight it. I was feeling…I don’t know how I was feeling, to be honest. Tired. Unsure of what I was doing anymore. I had started my first blog out of sheer emotional desperation because of how broken I had felt after the demise of my last relationship, but that was more than three years ago. Enough time had passed that I felt I had moved on from all of that. I have, but not completely. Remnants still remain and that means I haven’t let it go completely. At least that’s what my therapist tells me. (Yes, I’ve started to see a therapist again.) My failed attempts at dating again have only made me feel worse about relationships.
I didn’t want to keep writing about those things. I hated that 95% of my blog was about my difficult and painful dating experiences. On one hand it was great to have a place to get it all out, on the other it sucked that I had so much to get out. After a while, a long while, I began to not want to let it out like I had before.
My heart wants to keep writing. It loves to write and wants to continue telling stories about my life. My head feels conflicted about what I should and shouldn’t write about. I’m still not 100% sure how this will all play out, but what I was sure of was that it was time to “put away” what I had already gotten out.
So this is my attempt at a fresh start. I don’t know what will end up here. And for those that decided to follow me on this new chapter I hope I won’t disappoint.