Every story has a beginning…(Part 1)

If you are to understand why things are the way they are, then we have to go back to the beginning. My boyfriend had a 13 year relationship with his, now, ex-wife. He’s told me the story of how they met and why he stayed with her for as long as he did. From what he’s told me she was never a a nice person. I asked him why he stayed with someone who wasn’t nice to him and he told me it was due to the fact that he had very low self-esteem at the time. He had been bullied a lot as a kid because of his dyslexia and he never thought of himself as good-looking. A bad combination to have when you’re dating someone like her.

They dated/lived together for a little over 10 years before they decided to get married. He admitted to not having thought about it much but after a while the thought that they had been together for such a long time and maybe it was time to take the next step came up. So he proposed, she said yes and they married. A marriage that he also admitted to feeling he was making a mistake in doing the day of the wedding. But he stuck it out.

He bought them a house soon after. He had saved up several thousands of dollars over the years and was able to put down a hefty down payment on the house. It was a bit of a fixer-upper and he did a lot of it himself. Every day after work he did a little bit to the house. They eventually moved in.

Before they moved in she told him she wanted to get pregnant. He hadn’t thought of having kids, at least not with her. She was lazy and only seemed to have an interest in eating and spending his money. Still, she got pregnant.

Now, don’t think for a moment that I didn’t question his decisions to not only marry her but to impregnate her. Having met the woman I don’t understand how anyone would do either but, lo and behold, not only has she remarried she is also currently pregnant. But having once been in a 3-year relationship with a man that did not love me, for whom I foolishly moved to another country for only to have him tell me I needed to go back to Chicago after being there for only 7 months, I understood the “why?” Because sometimes we think that’s as good as it’s going to get for us so we hold on to it when we really shouldn’t.

And that’s what happened to him. He held on much longer than he should have. She was, and still is, an awful person. A person who is, in fact, a narcissist.This is who we’re dealing with.

After the birth of their daughter she claimed to have a “nervous breakdown”and checked herself into the hospital. During that time my boyfriend took over the care of their daughter. He worked as a carpenter for the local village and had to get up very early every morning. While he was at work the grandparents took turns taking care of the baby.  He would come home and take over. While she was in the psych ward she told the doctor she didn’t want to see W. Who knows why she told him that, but he never saw her while she was there. She eventually was let go and she went back to their house. Once home she didn’t do anything other than sleep with the baby. W still had to come home and take care of the baby, sometimes finding her wearing soaked or soiled diapers from several hours.

During this time she put on a lot of weight. W said she ballooned while she was pregnant and she didn’t lose much of it after the baby was born. She became somewhat of a slug after the birth. She slept a lot, ate a lot and hardly looked after the baby. W, it seemed, did all the work.

W’s father passed away from an illness he had been battling for some time a few months after the birth. This hit W hard. 6 months later she filed for divorce. He still hadn’t unpacked all of the boxes from the move.

She became even meaner after she filed. W eventually couldn’t take it any more so he moved out. About a year later they were officially divorced. Since then it’s been more than 8 years of her narcissistic bullshit. And now that she’s married she’s only gotten worse. Worse because she now has a partner in crime, her new husband. I have never hated two people the way I hate them. And I don’t use the word hate often.

The worst part of it all is that the ex has used their daughter as a pawn in the game she has played since their divorce. She uses her to get more money from W even though he has been more than fair with the money he gives her for child support. The ex likes to spend above her means (even though she makes more than W does) and we’re under the impression that she has a lot of credit card debt. Since the new husband came into the picture they have done everything to try to alienate W from his daughter. Her mother has been taking her on week long trips to Disneyworld every year since she was 2. For two years now it’s been the three of them: the mother, step-father and the daughter. They spend a lot of money on her. Something my boyfriend is not able to do. And to top it all off, they told the daughter that she had to call the step-father “daddy”, which she does. And this absolutely kills my boyfriend.

There is a lot more to tell, but for now this is a good introduction in to the despicableness that is my boyfriend’s ex-wife and her new husband. A despicableness that is only getting worse by the day.

Hello, Karma? You need to pay someone a visit.

Imagine the most selfish, narcissistic and heartless person you could possibly meet. That is W’s (my boyfriend’s) ex-wife. I have never met anyone like her. I have also never truly hated anyone the way I hate her. She has made it her life’s mission to not only hurt him by using their daughter to get to him, but she does what she can to get as much money from him as she can even though he has paid her what she is owed in child support, never having missed a payment, since the first day of their divorce 8 years ago.

She is remarried now, a story I’ll write about another time, but still insists on hurting W any chance she gets. She has been trying to erase W from her (and their daughter’s) life by dismissing his existence through her social media connections and by telling their daughter that she has to call the new step-father “daddy”. And she does call him that now, they both do, and has even done it in front of W. And it breaks his heart to know that his own daughter is calling another man that.

W has been there for his daughter since day one. I’ve seen how he is with her. He loves her the way a good father should. He took care of her when her own mother was too involved in her own affairs to bother to. And this new husband of hers just showed up and expected to be called “daddy” knowing full well he doesn’t deserve the title, not from her. But he accepted it and flaunts it knowing full well how W feels about it all. He doesn’t care that it bothers/hurts W. But then neither does his ex-wife.

They’re both awful people and there isn’t anything we can do about it.

It breaks my heart to see W be hurt by the actions of his ex-wife. Actions that aren’t the slightest bit warranted or deserved. He was good to her and he is wonderful to their daughter.

The ex-wife is pregnant now with the new husband’s child. A girl. She is due at the end of March. W and I hope that with the birth of this child they’ll stop bothering him and focus on the new baby instead. But who knows? She seems hell-bent on making W’s life difficult. And I hate her for that.

Does Karma really exist? I hope it does because she deserves a serious dose of it to come back to her.

Hello, 2017.

It’s now 2017. Time is flying! And so I’ve decided that I need to get back to writing. I know that I wrote very little last year. As with anything else, some times you need a break or maybe it’s that you don’t need to do whatever it was you were doing to deal with the troubling thing in your life that made you do what you had been doing, and I guess that’s what happened last year. I was finally in a good place in my life and I figured I would simply enjoy it. And I’m still in a good place. I still have the job, which I like, and I’m still with my boyfriend, W, whom I love. But a lot is going on with respect to the other part of W’s life so I think I’ll write about that. Maybe by writing about it I’ll be able to find some answers to help him. His ex-wife is a mean bitch who married an asshole last year. His 9-year old daughter is caught in the middle and it’s where things get tough for W. That’s what I’m hoping to be able to help him with. I have been all year. And when I say help, I mean that I mostly just listen and offer advice when I can. I’ll fill you all in on what’s been going on with each new post. I’ll also write about how things, in general, are going, too. It won’t all just be about the ex! LOL.

So happy new year, everyone! Here’s hoping it’s a good one for all.

And it’s out.

Allow me to give you a guided tour of my cervix.

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There’s this view.

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And there’s this one.

I’m not sure which parts any of these are, but I was told that it’s my cervix and that it’s all good. So there you have it. This,of course, was after the doctor removed the polyp that put me on the operating table in the first place. From the photo she took it looked rather small-ish. But I didn’t have anything to compare it to so for all I know it could have been big. But I’m thinking it wasn’t.

It went smoothly. My boyfriend drove me to the hospital, stayed the entire time  and then drove me home. We got there at 7 a.m. to check in and after all of the paperwork and checking-in was done I was left to wait patiently in a hospital gown, hair net and socks while lying on a gurney. My boyfriend was allowed to sit with me until they rolled me away. Right before they took me away the anesthesiologist gave me the sedative in the I.V. tube. It hit me pretty quickly. I remember very little after it began to take effect. I remember being rolled into the operating room and everything that I was seeing feeling 10 times as intense as it normally would have. The trip to and once inside the room felt like it was moving slower then my eyes were moving. By only a second, but it was enough to make my head feel like it was all wavy. They put the oxygen mask over my nose and mouth, the nurse put the patches that would keep track of my vitals and that was all I saw before I blacked out.

And then I woke up in the recovery room.

There was no pain. I only felt incredibly sleepy. I went in to the OR at 9:30 a.m. and woke up around 11 a.m. The procedure itself took only about 20-30 minutes so I must have stayed asleep for close to an hour. They eventually rolled me back to the room where I had been before the procedure but this time they had me sit in a big chair. I was told I had to go to the bathroom, eat and drink some food without throwing up before I could be discharged. My boyfriend was let back in and he sat with me while I ate a muffin and drank some apple juice. By noon I was ready to go home.

My throat is still a bit sore and my right nostril has been drippy since after the procedure. My abdomen is a bit bloated, too. Though I suppose that part was to be expected. Oh and I’ll be bleeding as though I were having a period for the next couple of days. That’s not the lousy part. The lousy part is that I can’t have anything inside for two weeks. So no sex and no tampons. So pads it is. I haven’t used a pad in years. It kind of feels like a diaper. A bit.

So now it’s the cyst that we’ll be keeping an eye on. I have another ultrasound in about two weeks to see if it’s gotten bigger since the last one. I’m hoping it hasn’t, but I can’t help feeling it will.

Guess we’ll see.

Update: My lady parts are still being assholes.

Whelp, surgery has been scheduled to remove the cervical polyp that I have. The two cysts that have made themselves at home on my remaining ovary are to be observed only, for now, though a follow up ultrasound has been scheduled for the 20th. From what the doctor told me the procedure will be rather short. 30 minutes followed by a 2 hour recovery period. I’ll be put under, which for some reason I hadn’t thought of, so it’s somewhat major. I mean, being put under isn’t something to sneeze at. I’ve only been put under twice. The first time was when I had the surgery to remove the first cyst and the second was when I had my wisdom teeth taken out. And that was a long time ago. I was in college (the first time) when all that happened.

Of course, I didn’t think I would have to deal with any more problems down there after the first time. And you could say that I managed to go for quite a while (several years, in fact) without there being any problems. Now they’ve come back with a vengeance it seems.

The polyp will be taken out next week and while I’m hoping that goes well, it’s the cysts that are concerning me more right now. The other day I felt them. It was a dull, throbbing pain that felt like a cramp but that lasted for a good five hours. It eventually went away but that’s how the other one started. Or at least that’s how the other one caught my attention. The fact that there are two cysts on my ovary is cause for concern, for me anyway. I really don’t see them going away on their own. The fact that I’ve been taking the birth control pill for two years now and they’ve still managed to grow tells me they’re going to only get bigger. Instead of shrinking or stunting its growth it’s somehow bi-passed whatever the pill was supposed to do to stop it. So either the pill wasn’t strong enough or the cysts are stronger. Either way, I suspect they’ll have to be taken out as well. the question is when.

So, that’s it for now. I’ll write more once I’ve have the polyp removed.

My lady parts are being assholes.

The above statement has some history behind it. Back in 1995 I had my left ovary and part of the tube removed due to a 15cm cyst that decided to take them over. I didn’t realize what was happening until I began to experience immense amounts of pain. I was left with a 6″ scar running up my abdomen and only one ovary. The scar has faded some since then and over the years I have done all the things I was told to do in order to protect the ovary I have left.

Well, two years ago I found out that a cyst had made itself right at home on my right ovary. I was put on birth control in the hopes that it would keep it under control. The first year went well as did the second, or so I thought. Last week I went in for my annual exam. The doctor asked me the usual questions and when asked when my last period had been I told her that, for the most part, my period has been all over the place since going on the pill. She asked me what I meant by “all over the place”. I told her that before going on the pill my period was like clockwork. It was always on time but ever since I started taking the pill that it’s not like that anymore. And then I mentioned that I had missed a period the month before but that I figured it was due to all the running I had been doing in preparation for the Chicago Marathon. She said that was more than likely the case and she added that all the exercises was also more than likely causing the pill to get metabolized a lot faster than normal. This made me question whether the pill had been working correctly then. She said it probably was. She asked me if I’d had spotting in between my periods to which I said yes. Although, I wasn’t sure if it was spotting or just an irregular period that was just really light. So she went in to see how things were going and that was when she found the polyp.

Turns out the in between spotting was due to a cervical polyp that’s been growing down there. This is why I said my lady parts are being assholes. I mean, I already lost one ovary, the other one has not one but two cysts growing on it now, with one being about the size of a quarter. And now there is a polyp on top of that. The doctor doesn’t seem to be concerned with the cysts. She said they looked like regular cysts on the ultrasound she had me get the week following her initial diagnosis of the polyp. I guess cysts are not uncommon things for some women and as long as they’re monitored they can be fine. But the polyp needs to come out. On a positive note, there didn’t appear to be any growing inside my cervix and it looks like there is just the one on the outside. But it’s big enough that she’d like to get it out. So the procedure has been tentatively scheduled for three weeks from now.

Am I worried? Not really. Well, not a lot. Maybe a little. I’ve been down this road before and, really, this time it will be less invasive than the surgery I had last time, but it still stinks. I don’t understand why I’ve been having so many problems down there. I’ve never been one to sleep around in my adult life and now that I’m in a relationship with a wonderful man all these issues are popping up “down there”.

For the first time I found myself imagining what it might be like to have a child with someone – because he is just that wonderful a man – and while having a child was not something that seemed feasible for several reasons, it was still nice to imagine it. And it was nice to know the option was there. But now it looks like that maybe it never was. My reproductive system has betrayed me more than once now and I can’t help but feel as though it’s telling me to forget about having a kid, ever. And while I was never 100% on board with actually going ahead with it because of my age and where he and I are financially, it was a nice idea none the less. But now even the idea seems to have been taken away from me.

I would like for the procedure to go smoothly and for that issue to go away. I’ll still have the cysts to worry about but one thing at a time, right?

Here’s hoping.

How to make a s’more.

Step 1. Prepare the fire pit: The boyfriend has a massive yard behind his house and a fire pit which he lights on occasion during the summer.

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Step 2. Light it up.

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Step 3. Have the proper ingredients at the ready.

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Step 4. Prepare the marshmallows.

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Step 5. Add the warmed marshmallow to the graham crackers and chocolate and there you have it! A perfect s’more. 🙂

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Step 6. The enjoyment of the s’more is magnified by the company you share it with. 🙂 ❤

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